The Alpine View

September 6, 2026

Before We Know Ourselves

WHAT

There are people in our lives who seem to see something in us before we can see it ourselves.

A teacher notices the way we think. A coach recognizes leadership we have not yet claimed. A friend sees courage beneath our uncertainty. A parent notices the fascination we keep returning to.

Sometimes they give language to something that, until then, has existed only as a feeling:

You have a gift for this.

Have you noticed how alive you become when…?

That question you just asked matters.

These moments can seem small. But I wonder if they are among the most consequential things human beings do for one another.

Perhaps we do not develop our identities entirely from the inside out.

Perhaps some part of becoming ourselves happens because somebody else was paying attention.

SO WHAT

We talk a great deal in education about knowing students. Usually, we mean knowing their readiness, interests, learning profiles, strengths, and challenges. All of that matters.

But being deeply known is something more.

It is the difference between collecting information about a person and becoming genuinely curious about them. What captures their attention? What gives them energy? What do they notice that others miss? Where do they become wonderfully complicated? What might be emerging in them that neither of you fully understands yet?

This matters especially during childhood, when young people are constantly gathering evidence about who they are.

Am I capable? Do my ideas matter? Am I strange? Do I belong here?

The people around them become mirrors.

A child repeatedly reflected back as difficult may eventually understand themselves as difficult. A child reflected back as curious may begin to protect and cultivate curiosity. A child whose intensity is treated only as a problem may learn to suppress it. A child whose intensity is also recognized as passion, depth, or possibility may learn something very different about themselves.

This is one reason one of the ideas we have been exploring at Mack Boulder is deceptively simple:

Gifted and twice-exceptional learners are known deeply.

That means understanding learners well enough to challenge and support them appropriately. But I think it also means refusing to reduce a human being to the most immediately visible version of themselves—a score, diagnosis, behavior, talent, struggle, or even a strength.

To know someone deeply is to remain interested in the person who is still becoming.

NOW WHAT

There is a reciprocity here.

We need people who know us. And we have the opportunity to be people who know others.

Teachers can do this for students. Parents can do it for children. Leaders can do it for colleagues. Friends can do it for friends.

Mostly, it requires attention.

Notice what someone returns to. Notice what gives them energy. Notice the questions they ask. Notice the contribution they make that nobody acknowledges. Notice the contradiction that makes them more interesting, not less.

And occasionally, say what you see.

Not as a verdict. As an invitation.

I noticed something about you…

Those six words might help another human being discover something about themselves.

Maybe that is one of the quiet ways we become who we are:

Someone sees us.

Someone names a possibility.

And eventually, we learn to see it too.

The view from here:
Before we can fully know ourselves, sometimes we need someone else to notice us first.